Sex education is a really important thing, something which I personally think needs to be covered in schools by properly trained people, several times over the course of formal education, starting early enough to try and catch those who develop early. However much we might not like it, children are trying to grow up quicker, being exposed to more and more sexual images earlier on and, until we get to the route of the problem, people are going to be experimenting earlier. One of my favourite things about Kink Academy is the range of videos on the more basic things, such as safety and health related issues.
My experience with sex education first started very informally, giggling over my friend’s copy of Sugar* in the playground. I was about 9 or 10. I think my mum would have freaked if she knew what I was reading at the time but I remember not really understanding it all properly anyway. I covered the biological side of things when I started senior school and did biology lessons but diagrams of internal organs don’t really teach you a lot about relationships, safe sex and health. The only formal sex ed I had was taught by a middle aged woman who was also my chemistry teacher. She chatted a bit a relationships, the risk of having unprotected sex and then showed us how to use a condom. I think we must have had a couple of hours of lessons at most but this was when I was 13 or 14. I was already curious about sex and had been poking around the internet, talking to people in chat rooms and reading things I probably shouldn’t have been, forming a slightly inaccurate picture of the goings on about sex. Although I was never taught this, I wasn’t stupid and realised sex was more than just reproducing but the adults in my life weren’t really talking. It wasn’t until I was 17 or 18 until someone came into school to try to scare us all with photos of various sexually transmitted diseases and stories of sailors catching gonorrhoea from a sex doll. Probably too late from more than just me and, although I wasn’t taking risks, I wouldn’t assume all of my peers were being as careful.
Looking back, I just think that I wasn’t told a lot and I learnt more from my own reading and exploring than from what I was taught. Plus there was pretty much nothing about same sex relationships in there. To be honest, it was all the kind of attitude that only married couples had sex. Nothing about forming relationships, nothing about having fun, nothing about what to do if you’re a girl and happen to have a girlfriend. Sure, I don’t think that we need to be teaching techniques in school (we have The Joy of Teen Sex for that) but maybe there should be something out there for everyone, letting people know they’re not freaks for wanting to tie up their partner or be spanked or whatever. And of course, they need to be safe too! Luckily, a lot of people are getting out there and searching the internet and I really hope more people come across Kink Academy because the resources here, even the very basic ones are brilliant for people of all ages.
Take the video of Safer Sex for Female Bodies. Although very basic (and I do hope future videos go into more detail), they make an excellent point that many people forget that lesbians need to have safe sex too. Sure, the risk is lower but it’s still there, especially if you also have male partners. And it’s true, latex gloves can be hot too! The fact that even medical professionals can be hugely ignorant of the risks drives me mad. I’ve had lesbian friends told they don’t need STD tests because they’re not having sex, friends told they can’t have free condoms because they don’t need them and even I had weird looks last time I went to be tested when I said my new sexual partner was a woman (although that may have been because I explained I am still married!). I have to admit that I don’t use protection all the time but I do have health checks regularly and am careful about how I play. Plus I know my body. The Pelvic Pain video is great for reminding us girls to make sure we do see our doctor if there are any problems.
So for all that sex ed you didn’t get at school, check out Kink Academy, especially the safety and relationships sections!
* For those that don’t know (or remember) Sugar was a teen magazine, a bit like Cosmo but aimed at teenage girls